Conflict is complex

Have you ever offended or disappointed a friend or loved one and been unable to understand what happened?

Conflict is a complex and painful human experience, and its consequences far surpass the two people at odds.

We all want to be understood, loved, and accepted for who we are. We want people to see and acknowledge that our response is reasonable and that we are good. I have attended training on conflict resolution, peacemaking, and healing betrayal, participated in conflict resolutions, sought help for myself in conflict with others, and helped clients heal from the discards they experienced from others. The principles of peacemaking taught in these training sessions are helpful in many situations, but not all.

In my experience, one type of conflict that does not benefit from traditional conflict resolution is the one that affects me but has nothing to do with me. The pattern is often something like this:

Friends Judy and Vera have a conflict. Maybe Judy cancels plans due to an illness, steps aside from a position, or has a different political perspective. Vera lashes out self-protectively by discarding, blaming, accusing, or picking a fight. Judy feels confused, betrayed, and discarded.

Judy tries to apologize, but Vera rejects it. Judy’s apology does not resonate with Vera, who carries unresolved hurt from a past event or trauma into the current conflict. Vera gets angrier and angrier with Judy over time despite limited contact. The conflict has nothing to do with Judy.

Letting the situation "roll off your back" does not help anyone move forward and heal. Pretending not to care about Vera's actions is denying reality. Denial of reality creates a cesspool of pain, revenge, entitlement, and victimhood.

Signs that the conflict stems from another person's trauma rather than a present offense are:

1. Emotions of the offended person intensify with time despite no contact

2. The offended person is not interested in reconciliation or personal responsibility

3. The offended person does not accept or acknowledge an apology

4. The offended person often refuses to speak of the event or define the offense.

5. The offended person discards the relationship with little warning.

6. The discarded person stonewalls instead of trying to work things out.

7. The conflict feels confusing.

8. People's perspectives on the conflict suggest that they are discussing different situations—there is no starting point for conflict resolution.

When approaching conflict, essential questions to ask yourself are

1. Who or what am I responding to? Is this something I did or someone's trauma?

2. Is engaging in the healing process worth the emotional energy?

3. Is the offended person emotionally safe?

4. Is there a reasonable and reachable goal?

Conflict resolution implies that we will come to an acceptable agreement on how to move forward, let go of the past, and be able to share spaces neutrally. Reconciliation restores the relationship. A third option, neutrality, diffuses the energy around the conflict.

Before I discuss action, I think it is essential to state that this technique is not always appropriate. Do not try this strategy with a professionally diagnosed personality disorder or someone who means you harm. Do not engage in this conflict resolution strategy with an abuser. Get help if you need help!

Neutrality finds resolution by dialing down the heat. The relationship is not coming back. You cannot fix someone's trauma or change the past.

In conflict resolution, neutrality is not having emotional energy around a person or situation. Neutrality does not seek reconciliation, but it benefits Judy and Vera by dialing down the heat of the conflict and creating a more comfortable environment in shared spaces.

Neutrality acknowledges your adversary's good qualities—decency and good intentions—but it also acknowledges painful experiences, feelings, and seemingly wrong or irrational judgments. For example, the conversation might begin with, "It must be hard to give your best and feel judged and as if you are not enough."

The conversation cannot be about you, the offense you experienced, or anything related to you. Gratitude and validation are not goals in this strategy. Remember, the goal is to dial down the heat of the conflict and feel more comfortable in shared spaces.

It is not worth the emotional investment if Vera requires Judy to take responsibility for the offense. Once the neutrality strategy is tried but rejected, you may be dealing with a personality disorder. Walk away from further engagement.

Do not expect instant results from this type of conversation. Your feelings still need to be processed, and you may need professional help.

This strategy may not work, but it respects the dignity of both parties. What have you got to lose?

Healing is slow and does not necessarily mean reconciliation in conflict resolution. Neutrality acknowledges pain and works towards acceptance and peace, even though the relationship will not return to its previous state.

Using EMDR Therapy for Better Sleep and Peace of Mind

If you're struggling with sleep or feeling overwhelmed by stress and negative thoughts, EMDR therapy could be the solution you've been looking for. As a highly effective treatment method, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has helped countless individuals find relief from trauma, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

With the help of Anne Chester, LCSW, a licensed therapist specializing in EMDR in Dallas, TX, you can experience the transformative benefits of this innovative therapy. Through targeted eye movements and guided processing techniques, EMDR helps to rewire your brain's response to past traumas and negative experiences.

Keep reading to learn how EMDR therapy can help you improve your sleep.

Target the Root Cause of Nightmares and Flashbacks

EMDR therapy in Dallas, TX, works by accessing and reprocessing traumatic memories that often trigger nightmares and flashbacks. By targeting the root cause of these intrusive experiences, EMDR therapy gradually lessens their intensity and frequency. This approach helps the brain create healthier connections to past events, fostering emotional stability and improving overall mental health.

For those struggling with recurring nightmares or flashbacks, EMDR offers a path to lasting relief and peace of mind.

Improve Emotional Regulation

EMDR therapy helps improve emotional regulation by addressing unprocessed memories tied to distressing feelings. By reprocessing these memories, individuals can reduce the intensity of emotions like fear, guilt, and anger. This allows you to respond more calmly to stressors in your daily life, promoting a healthier emotional state.

Better emotional regulation leads to improved mental clarity and resilience. It can also create a sense of control over previously overwhelming emotions. For those dealing with heightened stress or emotional imbalances, EMDR offers an effective way to regain stability and restore inner peace. This growth supports better overall well-being and contributes to more restful sleep.

Create a Sense of Safety

Therapists using EMDR therapy prioritize creating a sense of safety throughout the healing process. They establish trust and ensure you feel comfortable in the therapeutic setting. This safe environment enables you to explore difficult memories without becoming overwhelmed, which is essential for progress.

By working at your own pace, EMDR therapy helps reduce feelings of fear and anxiety tied to past trauma. This creates a solid foundation for emotional healing and improved sleep. Feeling secure during therapy sessions can translate into reduced nighttime hypervigilance, allowing you to relax and rest more peacefully.

Rebuild Confidence Over Time

EMDR therapy in Dallas, TX, can help you rebuild your confidence over time. By successfully working through traumatic events and reducing their hold on your emotions, EMDR helps you feel more capable and resilient. This newfound sense of self-confidence can translate into improved sleep as well.

With each successful EMDR session, individuals often report feeling more in control of their thoughts and reactions to stressors. This growth fosters greater self-awareness and empowerment, leading to better overall mental health.

Ready to Try EMDR Therapy in Dallas, TX?

If you're ready to experience the transformative benefits of EMDR therapy and improve your sleep, consider reaching out to Anne Chester, LCSW.

The Role of Accelerated Resolution Therapy in Enhancing Emotional Regulation Skills

Accelerated resolution therapy (ART) is a therapeutic approach that has gained popularity in recent years. It has been proven to be an effective method for treating individuals with various mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Anne Chester, LCSW, is a licensed therapist in Dallas who specializes in ART. She has been using this technique to help her clients experience relief from their emotional distress and develop better coping skills.

Read on to learn more about the role of ART in enhancing emotional regulation skills.

Memory Reconsolidation

Accelerated resolution therapy in Dallas uses memory reconsolidation to assist individuals in reframing traumatic memories. Through specific visualization techniques, clients can alter their perception of past events. This process reduces the emotional charge associated with these memories, which in turn helps diminish emotional triggers.

Reframing traumatic experiences allows individuals to process emotions more constructively. It leads to a better understanding of their feelings and promotes effective coping strategies. As emotional triggers decrease, emotional regulation improves, fostering a more balanced mental state.

Visualization Techniques

Visualization techniques are a core component of accelerated resolution therapy. These techniques help clients change their perception of distressing memories and foster positive emotional responses.

The benefits of using visualization techniques include:

• Shifting Perspective: Enables individuals to reimagine traumatic events in a way that reduces emotional distress.

• Enhancing Positivity: Encourages a focus on positive imagery, strengthening overall emotional well-being.

• Promoting Relaxation: Engages the mind in peaceful imagery, reducing stress and anxiety levels.

• Building Resilience: Empowers clients to face challenging situations with improved confidence and emotional strength.

These techniques facilitate emotional regulation by encouraging clients to rehearse coping responses in a controlled and supportive environment.

Reducing Emotional Distress

Accelerated resolution therapy is designed to help individuals quickly reduce emotional distress from negative experiences. This therapy focuses on decreasing the emotional intensity linked to specific memories, making them less overwhelming. With this reduction, individuals gain better control over their emotions, allowing them to navigate situations more calmly.

ART empowers individuals to manage their responses to past events that previously triggered distress. As the emotional charge from these memories diminishes, people can engage with their feelings in a healthier manner. This ability to regulate emotions fosters resilience, enabling individuals to approach future challenges with enhanced confidence.

Enhanced Self-Awareness

Exploring emotions through ART helps individuals gain a deeper understanding of their feelings and reactions. This therapy guides clients to focus on their emotional patterns, making it easier to identify potential triggers. As individuals become more aware, they develop insights into how certain events affect their emotions and behaviors.

Increased self-awareness allows individuals to make informed decisions about how they respond to emotional situations. By recognizing their patterns, clients can learn effective strategies to manage their emotions. This newfound insight empowers them to feel more in control and confident when dealing with complex emotional challenges.

Reap the Rewards of Accelerated Resolution Therapy in Dallas

Need help managing your emotions? ART might be the right approach for you. If you're looking for a therapist who specializes in accelerated resolution therapy in Dallas, Anne Chester LCSW can help.